Expectation.......

She has always admired her father for his discipline. Now she is married. She expects her husband to be disciplined, which she believes is an essential virtue. Oh, on discipline he never makes the grade. She is dissatisfied with him and he is frustrated with her.

“My mother has always been honest and transparent. The problem with you is that you never tell me the whole stuff about your life,” the husband complains to his wife. “Look at your brother's handwriting - it is a piece of art, and look at yours,” the mother nags the daughter. “In my earlier organisation we never used to operate like this,” cribs the new General Manager. “In America we don't have these issues,” cries the NRI about India.

Expectation isn't a problem; benchmarking expectation is.

She gives her father a '10 out of 10' on discipline and is not satisfied with her husband who is tottering at 4 or 5. See, for him 5 is his 100% score - for his nature, temperament, upbringing, and conditioning, he will never make beyond 5 on discipline. This is him and this will be him. There must be some other quality on which the husband must be a perfect 10 and her father won't make the necessary grade. The wife may never be as transparent as the mother, but she may be very selfless in financially aiding the family. The daughter may outperform the son in singing. You believed in better growth prospects here than the previous organisation, and that's why you are here.After all, India doesn't have some of the issues that the world has.

No one is inferior to others on all counts and no one is superior to the rest on all measures. We all have our pluses and we all have our minuses. No one is zero-defect. No one is all-defect. Stop focussing on isolated qualities. Start relating to the whole being.

However, there is a twist in the tale. When I am dissatisfied with others it makes me unhappy, but when I am dissatisfied with myself it helps me grow. When I benchmark others with my expectations, it leaves me dissatisfied with others and thus affects my happiness. When I benchmark myself with my expectations, the dissatisfaction created propels my growth and development. When I demand a '10 out of 10' from myself on excellence, integrity, purposefulness, character, competence, etc… it shows me where I stand and where I need to go. The gap becomes the scope of my transformation.

On all matters, rate the world on '5' and rate yourself on '10'. Not that the world is any less capable or you are super-human but because… Without happiness there is no life. Without dissatisfaction there is no growth. To live and grow let's be Happily Dissatisfied. Proclaim, “I am living. I am growing.”

I am happy with the way you love me. For my part, I will find more and more ways to love you.