time pass !!!

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is our ramasamy.

Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave. 2000 people leave the room.

ramasamy says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA, but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try !'

Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave. 2000 people leave the room.

ramasamy says to himself 'I never managed anybody by myself, but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me ?' So he stays.

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave. 500 people leave the room.

ramasamy says to himself,
'I left school at 15, but what have I got to lose ?' So he stays in the room. Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo-Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room.

ramasamy says to himself,
'I do not speak one word of Serbo-Croat but what do I have to lose ?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate; Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo-Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'

ramasamy says to himself,
'If Gates knows the language, he'd ask a question in Serbo-Croat; what have i got to lose?, let me try'

Calmly, ramasamy turns to the other candidate and says ' endha ooru ? '

The other candidate answers… ' Madurai pakkam ' "vazhga tamil"

Secret of happy married life ...

Forward from my friend...

Once X asked Y, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"
Y said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."
X asked, "Can you explain?"
Y said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."
Still not convinced, X asked Y "Give me some examples"
Y said, "Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"
X asked, "Then what is your role?"
Y said, "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iraq, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these".

Smart manager

Good Forward from my friend...

Dear Manager (HR),
Vivek, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Vivek works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Vivek never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Vivek takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Vivek is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Vivek can be
classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Vivek be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
sent away as soon as possible.

Signed - Project Leader

In second mail same manager wrote:
NB: That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the
report
sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines (1, 3, 5,
7, 9, 11, and 13)
for my true assessment of him.

Auto Driver & Priest in Heaven

A Priest dies & is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gate.
Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.
God asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?
The guy replies: I am Pandi, Auto driver from Chennai!
God consults his ledger, smiles & says to Pandi: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven ...
Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Pope's Assistant so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Church for the last 40 years.
God consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven ...
'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. 'How is it that a foul mouthed, rash driving Auto Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?'
'Results my friend, results,' shrugs God.
'While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his Auto, people PRAYED'

"It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts."

Good One

After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.
So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200 meters and the headlines in the US papers read:
'US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibers, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians.'
One week later, Indian daily newspapers reported the following:
.......................
'After digging as deep as 500 meters, Indian scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using Bluetooth and Wireless technology.

Smooth transition

4 THOUGHTS OF MEN

Thought 1
When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?

Thought 2
The average man's life consists of:
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going, Forty years of
having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners
wondering too.

Thought 3
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you
take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The
man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was
astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the
voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run
over you, and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car
came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
The man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice
answered. "Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I got
married?"
This is the Best !!!

Thought 4
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her
father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached
the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some
thing in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the
father by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to
divulge the secret and say something. So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen
today is the luckiest day of my life." Then he raised his hands with what
his daughter gave him and continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned
my credit card to me."
The whole audience including the priest erupted in laughter .......... all
except the poor Groom!!

Height of Cost Cutting

Project Life Cycle

Reality,,,,

An old man used to sit every day in the beach from morning to evening watching the people in the beach. Another man who noticed this, went to him and asked what he was actually doing. The old man replied that he was searching for a woman to be his wife. The man was shocked at this reply and asked him why he had never searched in his youth. The old man replied that he has been searching from when he was 30 years of age. The man was astonished and asked him what sort of a woman he was searching for and he replied, “I am searching for a perfect woman. I found one woman who matched what I had in mind but it didn’t work out well with her.” The man asked why, for which the old man replied, “Well, she was searching for a perfect man!”

We all collect images from media and watch 'reality' continuously hoping to find a match with these images some time. It would be a good idea to drop these images and welcome reality instead!

Onsite Opportunity

In a mental hospital......

Love in mental hospital

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool,Edna
suddenly jumped into the deep end. She sank to the bottom of the pool and
stayed there. Jim promptly jumped in to save her. he swam to the bottom
and pulled her out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Jim's heroic act, she
immediately ordered him to be discharged from the hospital, as she now
considered him to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Jim the news she said, "Jim, I have good news
and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were
able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life
of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays that you
have a sound mind.

The bad news is, Edna, the patient you saved, hung himself in the
bathroom with her bathrobe belt right after you saved her. I am so
sorry, but she's dead.

Jim replied, "She didn't hang herself, I put her there to dry.

he he he:-) :-) :-)