You are responsible for your thinking. Change your thinking and life will get better. But, what thoughts do you change? Your troublesome thoughts about a situation can easily be found in your self-talk. Self-talk is that inner running dialogue you have with yourself. It is what you tell yourself about life's situations.
All of us have a voice that talks to us. You might think of it as your conscience. It might be that "inner observer" who seems to sits in the corner and watches everything you do. You may recognize it as that voice that starts talking to you upon awakening in the morning. Sometimes it may wait until you look in the mirror before it actually speaks. It is that voice that says, "You sure are handsome." or "What a wonderful person you are." Or "You are going to have a great day." It might say, "You are so slim and your hair looks beautiful." If you don’t' recognize this voice then yours may be speaking to you in a different tone. You might be hearing, "You look like crap today" or "You sure have gained a lot of weight." "Your hair is a mess." "It's is a terrible day! Get back in bed." This voice, the negative, critical one, is one of the main reasons we have so many problems. It can destroy resiliency by opening the flood gates and draining away your energy.
This voice can make anything worse. You may be like most people and know how to take any small problem, think about it for awhile, and have a bigger problem. That little voice keeps telling you what might go wrong. All of the dark possibilities are pointed out. The imagination creates a very bad situation. The problem goes from a mild annoyance to a major catastrophe as you convince yourself that the imagined situation is the real situation. You are now busy confronting a problem that only exists in your mind.
Any response, at this point, is going to be out of proportion to the original problem. The normal reaction to the original problem is most likely some degree of emotional distress. If you have been laid off from a job, you may be feeling some combination of tense, worried, anxious, sad, irritated, frustrated, or angry. All of these are normal emotions for the experience. However, that inner voice may be busy exaggerating, " This is horrible and terrible. It is the world’s worst thing. You will never find another job. You are a hopeless and helpless person. No one will ever hire you. You won’t be able to pay your bills. You will lose everything you have. You should just give up." With such a running dialogue you will soon fall into depression or become enraged at your imagined mistreatment. In a deep depression you may decide that the situation is hopeless and become suicidal. In a state of rage you may act in an inappropriate, violent manner towards your former employer. Either reaction is too intense because the response is to a situation you have created in your mind. Change your mind, your attitude, and the problem can shrink back to its original size. The original problem may be bad enough but it is not the catastrophe you have invented.
To change your attitude you must change the inner dialogue. To change the dialogue you must catch it in action. To do this you have to pay attention to yourself. You must engage in self-observation and listen for that inner voice.
The next time that you find yourself feeling "bad" don’t start asking, "Who did this to me?" Don’t start looking around for the external cause of your problems. What you should do is to ask yourself, "What have I been thinking?" "What have I been telling my self?" You may find that your inner dialogue has put you deep into emotional distress
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Efforts and knowledge !!!
A giant ship engine failed. The ship's owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine.
Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a young.
He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work.
He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom.
Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer.
He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed!
A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for Ten thousand rupees.
"What?!" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!"
So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill."
The man sent a bill that read:
Tapping with a hammer...... ......... ........ Rs. 2.00
Knowing where to tap.......... ......... ...... Rs, 9,998.00
Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort makes all the difference ...
Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a young.
He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work.
He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom.
Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer.
He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed!
A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for Ten thousand rupees.
"What?!" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!"
So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill."
The man sent a bill that read:
Tapping with a hammer...... ......... ........ Rs. 2.00
Knowing where to tap.......... ......... ...... Rs, 9,998.00
Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort makes all the difference ...
Corporate Life....
Have you heard the story of “The Washer man and the Foolish Donkey”?
To refresh your memory, and for the benefit of those who have not grown up listening to this moral story, it goes like this…
There was once a washer man who had a donkey and a dog. One night when the whole world was sleeping, a thief broke into the house, the washer man was fast asleep but the donkey and the dog were awake. The dog decided not to bark since the master did not take good care of him and wanted to teach him a lesson. The donkey got worried and said to the dog that if he doesn't bark, the donkey will have to do something himself. The dog did not change his mind and the donkey started braying loudly. Hearing the donkey bray, the thief ran away, the master woke up and started beating the donkey for braying in the middle of the night for no reason.
Moral of the story “One must not engage in duties other than his own"
Now take a new look at the same story…
The washer man was a well educated man from a premier management institute. He had the fundas of looking at the bigger picture and thinking out of the box. He was convinced that there must be some reason for the donkey to bray in the night. He walked outside a little and did some fact finding, applied a bottom up approach, figured out from the ground realities that there was a thief who broke in and the donkey only wanted to alert him about it. Looking at the donkey's extra initiative and going beyond the call of the duty, he rewarded him with lot of hay and other perks and became his favorite pet. The dog's life didn't change much, except that now the donkey was more motivated in doing the dog's duties as well. In the annual appraisal the dog managed a “meets requirement”. Soon the dog realized that the donkey is taking care of his duties and he can enjoy his life sleeping and lazing around. The donkey was rated as “star performer". The donkey had to live up to his already high performance standards. Soon he was over burdened with work and always under pressure and now is looking for a job rotation…
Disclaimer:
All characters in the story are not at all imaginary. Any resemblance to person living or dying of work is purely intentional.
To refresh your memory, and for the benefit of those who have not grown up listening to this moral story, it goes like this…
There was once a washer man who had a donkey and a dog. One night when the whole world was sleeping, a thief broke into the house, the washer man was fast asleep but the donkey and the dog were awake. The dog decided not to bark since the master did not take good care of him and wanted to teach him a lesson. The donkey got worried and said to the dog that if he doesn't bark, the donkey will have to do something himself. The dog did not change his mind and the donkey started braying loudly. Hearing the donkey bray, the thief ran away, the master woke up and started beating the donkey for braying in the middle of the night for no reason.
Moral of the story “One must not engage in duties other than his own"
Now take a new look at the same story…
The washer man was a well educated man from a premier management institute. He had the fundas of looking at the bigger picture and thinking out of the box. He was convinced that there must be some reason for the donkey to bray in the night. He walked outside a little and did some fact finding, applied a bottom up approach, figured out from the ground realities that there was a thief who broke in and the donkey only wanted to alert him about it. Looking at the donkey's extra initiative and going beyond the call of the duty, he rewarded him with lot of hay and other perks and became his favorite pet. The dog's life didn't change much, except that now the donkey was more motivated in doing the dog's duties as well. In the annual appraisal the dog managed a “meets requirement”. Soon the dog realized that the donkey is taking care of his duties and he can enjoy his life sleeping and lazing around. The donkey was rated as “star performer". The donkey had to live up to his already high performance standards. Soon he was over burdened with work and always under pressure and now is looking for a job rotation…
Disclaimer:
All characters in the story are not at all imaginary. Any resemblance to person living or dying of work is purely intentional.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Voice of Love - Emotional Maturity
Got this one through mail from a friend.. a wonderful read on emotional maturity...
The husband and wife gifted themselves a new car for their first wedding anniversary. They drove downtown, zipped through the beach road, watched a movie in a drive-in theatre, and finally returned home. They didn't have the garage facility. So the car was parked in the street. To their utter shock, when they woke up the next morning, the car was missing. The car was stolen. First car, first wedding anniversary gift, and they had enjoyed the car for just a day. The wife couldn't take it. With misty eyes she sank into the sofa. The husband too was a little jolted, but his love for his wife prevailed over the moment. He hugged her from behind, and said, “The car is lost. You can feel heavy about it. The car is lost. You can take it easy. Either way the car is lost. Then, why not take it easy.” She gave him a cold stare and the moment passed. Two months later the police recovered the car from one of the car-robbery-gangs, and the car was returned to the husband. That very evening, while driving back home from the police station, the husband rammed the car against a truck. This time it was his turn. He couldn't take it. On returning home, with misty eyes he sank into the sofa. Of course jolted, yet her love for him prevailed over the moment. This time, she hugged him from behind, and said, “The car is rammed. You can feel heavy about it. The car is rammed. You can take it easy. Either way the car is rammed. Then, why not take it easy.”
A logical question: When the car is lost or rammed, how can anyone take it easy? But what else can you do? Feel heavy, if you want; take it easy, if you want - either way, after the emotional drama, what has to be done has to be done.The police complaint has to be lodged; the car has to be sent to the workshop; the insurance has to be claimed… what has to be done has to be done.
The child has failed in one of the subjects. The father slaps the child a few times. The mother hits herself on her forehead several times and cries. After all the emotional drama, what? Now, you will have to take extra care on coaching your child on that subject - may be he will be sent for special tuition - what has to be done has to be done. You left the milk a little longer than required on the gas stove. The boiled milk is beginning to overflow from all sides of the vessel. Scream, wail, screech, get tensed, and let your BP to shoot up… after all the emotional drama, now what? You will switch the stove off, offload the milk vessel and clean the kitchen countertop. So, eventually what has to be done will be done.
From a stock market crash, to a key employee's resignation, to the death of a beloved… after the emotional drama, eventually what has to be done will be done.Here we are not discussing about not being emotional, but about avoiding the dramatic emotional reactions. Understandably, you will skip a heartbeat when you lose your vehicle, you will sink into helplessness when the child fails, legitimate tears will roll down at the loss of a beloved. Emotions - yes. Emotional
drama - no!
Emotional Maturity is not about avoiding emotions, but it is about avoiding the emotional drama. Anyways, what has to be done has to be done. Then, why the drama?
The husband and wife gifted themselves a new car for their first wedding anniversary. They drove downtown, zipped through the beach road, watched a movie in a drive-in theatre, and finally returned home. They didn't have the garage facility. So the car was parked in the street. To their utter shock, when they woke up the next morning, the car was missing. The car was stolen. First car, first wedding anniversary gift, and they had enjoyed the car for just a day. The wife couldn't take it. With misty eyes she sank into the sofa. The husband too was a little jolted, but his love for his wife prevailed over the moment. He hugged her from behind, and said, “The car is lost. You can feel heavy about it. The car is lost. You can take it easy. Either way the car is lost. Then, why not take it easy.” She gave him a cold stare and the moment passed. Two months later the police recovered the car from one of the car-robbery-gangs, and the car was returned to the husband. That very evening, while driving back home from the police station, the husband rammed the car against a truck. This time it was his turn. He couldn't take it. On returning home, with misty eyes he sank into the sofa. Of course jolted, yet her love for him prevailed over the moment. This time, she hugged him from behind, and said, “The car is rammed. You can feel heavy about it. The car is rammed. You can take it easy. Either way the car is rammed. Then, why not take it easy.”
A logical question: When the car is lost or rammed, how can anyone take it easy? But what else can you do? Feel heavy, if you want; take it easy, if you want - either way, after the emotional drama, what has to be done has to be done.The police complaint has to be lodged; the car has to be sent to the workshop; the insurance has to be claimed… what has to be done has to be done.
The child has failed in one of the subjects. The father slaps the child a few times. The mother hits herself on her forehead several times and cries. After all the emotional drama, what? Now, you will have to take extra care on coaching your child on that subject - may be he will be sent for special tuition - what has to be done has to be done. You left the milk a little longer than required on the gas stove. The boiled milk is beginning to overflow from all sides of the vessel. Scream, wail, screech, get tensed, and let your BP to shoot up… after all the emotional drama, now what? You will switch the stove off, offload the milk vessel and clean the kitchen countertop. So, eventually what has to be done will be done.
From a stock market crash, to a key employee's resignation, to the death of a beloved… after the emotional drama, eventually what has to be done will be done.Here we are not discussing about not being emotional, but about avoiding the dramatic emotional reactions. Understandably, you will skip a heartbeat when you lose your vehicle, you will sink into helplessness when the child fails, legitimate tears will roll down at the loss of a beloved. Emotions - yes. Emotional
drama - no!
Emotional Maturity is not about avoiding emotions, but it is about avoiding the emotional drama. Anyways, what has to be done has to be done. Then, why the drama?
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Ant & Grasshopper
U.S Version:
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
INDIAN Version:
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.
Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.
Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.
The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt
support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .
Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.
CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.
BJP wants Sonia Gandhi's apology.
Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath' (Same as we have 'Garib rath' now) .
Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the 'Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.
Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.
The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, its home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.
Arundhati Roy calls it 'A Triumph of Justice'.
Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice'.
CPM calls it the 'Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden'.
Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Many years later...
The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley..
100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India...
As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers, India is still a developing country!!!
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
INDIAN Version:
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.
Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.
Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.
The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt
support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .
Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.
CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.
BJP wants Sonia Gandhi's apology.
Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath' (Same as we have 'Garib rath' now) .
Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the 'Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.
Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.
The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, its home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.
Arundhati Roy calls it 'A Triumph of Justice'.
Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice'.
CPM calls it the 'Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden'.
Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Many years later...
The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley..
100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India...
As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers, India is still a developing country!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
